You know that feeling when you have butterflies in your stomach, the world is just rainbows and sunshine, and nothing can get you down? The »in love« faze.
All these feelings of euphoria make us think this will last forever, and our only goal in life is to make our partner happy. All of our egocentric behaviour is forgotten, we are obsessed with the other person, and the high we get from them. It was designed this way—this is how evolution insures our species to survive. Unfortunately, the average in love experience lasts from 6 months to 2 years.
This is when all the fun ends or just begin. Your choice. We finally see our partner the way he is and he sees us. Sometimes this leads to a break up, other times it is an opportunity to create an amazing relationship, based on mutual understanding, support and growth.
The in love faze suggests that we have arrived to the final destination, the love faze is when the improvement and learning is the goal. This is the kind of love all humans crave for; the love out of reason and choice instead of an instinct. Love involves an act of the will, requires discipline, and it recognises the need for personal growth.
Have you ever noticed that sometimes your partner makes you feel loved by doing very little for you and other times nothing he does is right? The answer is LOVE LANGUAGE.
There are five love languages and when your partner does certain things for you that correspond your primary love language, you feel appreciated and loved. The same goes for him: some things you do might leave him completely cold and others fill him up with fire of love.
Let’s check out these love languages!
Words of affirmation are compliments, encouragement, acknowledgements, love letters and poems. Words are crucial and they have to be words of kindness and respect. You can start with great looks, nice clothes, amazing intellect, perfectly done house chores, great parenting and their overall strengths. Focus on all the good your partner does and tell him about it.
Quality time is giving your partner your undivided attention. Listen to her, ask personal questions, take a walk or a long weekend together, dance, eat in a nice restaurant, play board games, enjoy a concert together or take a road trip. The key is to be there 100% even if just for 10 minutes every evening.
If your partner’s love language is Receiving gifts, this speaks for itself. The important thing to keep in mind is that those do not have to be expensive gifts. A box of his favourite candy, the flower you picked up on the way from work, handmade surprises, delicious dinner you made, planting a tree, and give him your time when he needs you.
Doing things your partner is asking you to do for a long time is how you will show your love the best, if her love language is Acts of service. Wash the dishes, mow the lawn, pick up the kids from school or wash the car. These things might seem like annoying chores to you, but to your partner they will show that you really love her and this means she will be more likely to do things for you too!
The fifth love language is rather clear: Physical touch. Sex, kisses, hugs and holding hands will make your partner feel like in seven heaven. Offer him a shoulder massage, rub your knee or foot on his leg while eating dinner in a restaurant, touch him when you pass by in the kitchen and always kiss him good night. Physical touch does not mean you have to be sexual, it means that your partner is sensitive to touch and your touches make his heart skip a beat.
Knowing our partner’s love language is important because of one simple thing. When we do not feel loved for a long time, we feel empty and depressed. It is our basic emotional need to feel loved and when we do, we have more energy and are willing to do things. So, by making your partner feel loved, you are doing yourself a favour. He will have more energy and he will be more willing to make it up to you. You make him feel loved every day, he will pay you back double—you just make sure you tell him how he can do that.
The important thing to remember is: do not demand things, request them. Treat your partner with respect just like you would like him to treat you. Make him feel your love every day! If your partner’s love language sounds very French to you (and you have no idea how to speak to him), remember, you can always learn it. When an action doesn’t come naturally to you, it is a greater expression of love.
Here is a quick test you can do to find out what is your love language if you don’t know yet:
You can also purchase the book 5 love languages by Gary Chapman here.